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Poker Jokes
as of
Poker Face
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single
hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing
respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete
their playing time standing up.
Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the
wife?"
They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the
short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad
situation any worse than it is.
"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever
meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door,
the wife answers, asks what he wants.
Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"
A True
Poker Player
Rippington says, "I'll tell him."Two couples were playing
cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When
he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that
Bill's wife wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this,
John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.
Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that
you liked under there?"
John admitted that, well, yes, he did.
She said, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."
After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested.
She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John
doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 pm on
Friday.
Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 pm. After
paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex and then
John left. Bill came home about 6:00 pm. He asked his wife,
"Did John come by this afternoon?"
Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few
minutes."
Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?"
She thinks, "Oh hell, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well,
yes... he did give me $100."
"Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and
borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house
on his way home and pay me back."
Poker Addiction
A regular Friday
night poker game was still going strong well after midnight
when one of the players returned from the bathroom with an
urgent report.
"Roger, listen," he told the host, "On the way to the bathroom
I passed the kitchen where I saw Walter making love to your
wife!"
"OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the
last deal."
Teaching Our Young
Ones
This
guy is having a lovely poker game at home until his obnoxious
12-year-old son started disrupting things by going around, telling
player's cards, making noise, and being a general nuisance. The
father is about to discipline him when an uncle of the family says,
"Let me handle this." The uncle takes
the boy in another room and much to everyone's surprise, they don't
see him the rest of the night. The father says to the uncle, "I
really appreciate what you did, what did you say to him?"
The uncle says, "I really didn't say anything, I just showed him how
to masturbate."
A Man Wins
the Lottery
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha,
pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of
the house by noon!"
The Blonde
and the Two Dealers
Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to walk up
and try their luck at the craps table. A very attractive lady
comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single
roll of the dice. The dealers agree.
She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when
I'm half naked." With that she strips naked from the waist
down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs a new
pair of pants!" She then begins jumping up and down and
hugging each of the dealers.
"YES! I WIN! I WIN!" With that she picks up her money and
clothes and quickly leaves.
The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one
of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers,
"I don't know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!"
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